All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
