I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
