just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
