Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
