you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
