Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
