I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
