Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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