her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
