New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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