i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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