Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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