it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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