I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
