We're facebook friends in real life
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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