YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
