I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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