WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
