2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
