You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
