He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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