I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
