Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
