I wish I could teleport
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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