A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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