I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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