oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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