Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
