I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
