Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
