Your face is a jimmy john
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
