I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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