also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
smell my finger.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
