mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
