Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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