So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
