3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
