My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Found the puke drawer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
