My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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