C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
