I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
