I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
