I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
