please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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