I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
