hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They took my balls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
