Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
