you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
