Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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