Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
