don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
