So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
