why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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