Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
