Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
