I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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