I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
